How I (Or How I Don't) Write...

Before I begin - just a reminder that my first book, 'SCUSE ME WHILE I KILL THIS GUY, is available free at amazon.com, smashwords.com, the apple store and for 99 cents at barnesandnoble.com!

Sorry for the commercial - onto today's topic!

When it comes to writing, most writers have a process.  They sit in the chair, or on the couch (as in my case), open up a document and write. 

These writers have far more willpower and are smarter than me.  I wish I could say I had a process that worked.  I don't.  How I've managed to crank out five books and on novella is literally beyond me. 

I've always wanted...no, lusted over having some sort of organization when it comes to working.  I have friends who get up, do their morning whatever, then sit down and write for a prescribed amount of pages, word count or hours. 

I've always thought of myself as a chaotic thinker - meaning that my mind drifts, without reason from one topic to another.  I could start out with something normal, like how do you garrote someone with circular knitting needles.  Then my brain defies logic by drifting to pudding, guinea pigs, how they bale hay, and ends with something like clowns. 

I would love to have a writing coach who sits at the other end of my couch and zaps me with electricity when I drift off task.  No...wait...scratch that.  I don't really want that.  But maybe this coach could REWARD me with ice cream or vodka.  Maybe that would work...

On the other hand, I worry that having an actual process might RUIN my process. Maybe being organized would deprive my fans of moments like imploding Mickey Mouse at Disney World, or inventions like exploding shoulder pads in women's suits in the '80's.

It's six of one, half a dozen of the other, maybe?

I could analyze it until the world ends, but what it really comes down to is getting my butt on the couch, opening my laptop and starting.  It could be any time of the day or night, weekday or weekend.  As long as I can find time to sit there, I'll make the words come out.

And that's the best I can do at explaining it. 

Leslie Langtry