Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Greetings From Deadline Hell
by Maggie Marr
In this cycle we Girlfriends are blogging about the Crazy. While many have blogged about crazy characters and crazy stories, I am blogging about my own personal brand of Crazy: Deadline Hell.
Every writer who has ever put pen to paper has felt the press of this Crazy. It starts to form as we push up against those ever present (and for me necessary) deadlines whether self-imposed or because a manuscript is due to a House. This year, my deadlines are self-imposed so I have no one to blame but me--ah smell the scent of self-punishment as we embark on this journey.
First there is the: I can get this done if I do x number of pages per day. This, usually starts for me, in revisions at about the T-30 day mark. I do the math. I mark the calendar. I inevitably fall behind. As the page count of actually revised pages falls further and further behind and the day-count grows greater and greater, I sink into a firm state of denial. I redo the math and think calmly to myself: Of course I can revise 179 pages in 3 days--really who can't?
(Cue maniacal laughter.) Bwa ha, ha, ha, ha!
At the T-48 hour mark there are certain things every author embraces and certain things every author gives up. A little list of my faves.
1. Sleep. Who needs it? Why would anyone want it? Especially in the depths of despair of chapter 14 which has no reason for existing. My brain works BETTER without the zzzz's.
2. Coffee. (See 1.) In order to inhabit any deadline one must guzzle coffee as if the nectar of the Gods. Fortunately I can thank college and grad-school for this little nugget of knowledge.
3. Showers. Forget about it. My computer doesn't have a nose. We're all good.
4. Children. I had two before the deadline, and fingers crossed they are smart enough not to throw knives and play with fire, because at this point it will take a 3-alarmer or a laceration to get my attention from this damn book.
5. Friends. I'm an introvert, they get it. Plus they know I'm a writer which makes me inherently odd.
6. Communication. None. My characters are getting everything I have.
7. Sunlight. Maybe if I can stand up after 14 hours and it's still daylight, I might haul the computer outside and work. Then again, I'm fair-skinned and easily burned. Hello darkness my old friend...
8. Pajamas. Come to Mama! Truly the biggest perk of any deadline. Their is no expectation that I clothe myself in the traditional sense. I could (haven't yet, but hey, it's early in my career) go to the grocery store, the dry cleaners, and even the mall in my pajamas, wouldn't even flinch. I'M ON DEADLINE!
9. Email/FB/Twitter. Distraction? Did you say distraction? Yes, I want a distraction. Okay, just for 5 minutes...oh my God it's been TWO HOURS! WTF! I am on DEADLINE.
10. Food. Only the essentials. Chocolate, potato chips, and chocolate. Did I mention chocolate?
And finally--PANIC. Okay, not really something we want or should embrace as writers, but hey fear can be a motivating force.
So this is my current cup-o-crazy, the Deadline Hell. Please add your little nuggets of Crazy in the comments and once I turn this manuscript in (PLEASE GOD LET ME TURN THIS MANUSCRIPT IN) I'll let random.org choose a winner and send you a copy of Can't Buy Me Love. That's of course after I check on my children, sleep for a week, shower, put on some clothes, eat a salad, call my mother, and go outside.
xoMaggie
Maggie Marr is an author, attorney, and producer. She used to be a motion picture literary agent in Hollywood. She is the author of Hollywood Girls Club, Secrets of The Hollywood Girls Club, and Hollywood Hit. She also writes the new adult Glamour Series. Hard Glamour and Broken Glamour are out, and Fast Glamour is KILLING HER. Can't Buy Me Love is the first book in her Eligible Billionaires Series and One Night For Love, book 2 will publish this summer if she lives through her revisions of Fast Glamour. Courting Trouble is book 1 in the Montecito Montgomery Series, which Maggie dearly loves, but for some reason doesn't sell as well as the rest of her books. Courting Trouble is only .99 cents. For only .99 cents why not give it a read? Maggie lives and works in Los Angeles. She has family and friends who are gracious enough to welcome her with open arms each time she turns in a book and exits Deadline Hell.
I'm on the bench beside you in hell, Maggie. And I hit all of the above plus the joys of stress-induced colitis. Oh yeah, it's a party, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteOh, and sometimes I forget to brush my teeth.
We ARE weird, aren't we?
Oh, Laura, colitis, you say? I am so sorry. But what to do? We are addicted to words. xoxoxMaggie
DeleteMe too--raises hand. I'm in deadline hell and have totally lost all sanity, And the desire to brush my teeth or wash my hair. :)
ReplyDeleteBe strong, Sister. I promise once you are finished with your revision that you too, will once again desire the joys of soap and toothpaste. xoxoMaggie
ReplyDelete#s 3, 8, 10 I've been there. In trying to write hell, so there's no excuse for not showering or brushing my teeth. Guess I can justify the chocolate. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteIt's all good. No matter how many deadlines still one of the best jobs EVER! xoMaggie
DeleteDon't forget the call Mother part....Love, Mom
ReplyDeleteDon't forget the call Mother part....Love, Mom
ReplyDeleteI'm right there with you in Deadline Hell. Do they serve drinks here?
ReplyDeleteLOVED No. 9! Great post!
Sometimes late in the evening the bartender comes by, but once I break out of this place, I'm getting a pitcher of Margaritas! Good luck to you too, Leslie! xoMaggie
DeleteThe nice thing about indie-publishing is that I can set my own deadlines. And if I miss them...well, I set new deadlines. But I still need a lot of chocolate to get me through the craziness.
ReplyDeleteSend in the chocolate! xoMaggie
DeleteOnce again you've nailed the writer experience. I do however find that lately I buy pajamas that look very "casual wear-ish" in case we have an earthquake for something. It is engrained in me to dress before going out in public, thus my mail has been delivered - I can see the box from my office window - but I don't collect it sometimes until 5 pm when I know I have to get dressed or hubby will give me a talking to.
ReplyDeleteI resist getting up at 3 a.m. to write, no matter how far behind on deadline I am. Somehow it always works out, but figuring the amount of words I must write per day in order to make deadline blocks my brain quicker than naked images of Seth Rogan.
Lynne, this made me giggle. I have no shame where pj's are concerned...you should have seen me yesterday! As for Seth Rogan...naked? Hmmmm.... xoMaggie
DeleteVery funny, Maggie! Obviously your muse visits you in hell. She must like melted chocolate. ;-)
ReplyDeleteAny kind of chocolate, really. Truly her olfactory nerve must be damaged because I think (know) I'm starting to smell. xoMaggie
DeleteYes, come join me in deadline Hell. I have reserved parking! Thank God for hubs 'cuz I can't even remember the last time I walked the dog. ;(
ReplyDeleteIs that YOU, I see over there Samanthe Beck? xoMaggie
DeleteDeadline hell does have its perks. You can say no to just about anything you don't want to do! Extra carpool? Sorry, can't. Join the board? Nope. Clean closets? You're joking, right???? Great post. Every word was "dead" on.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Saralee. Yes, I do love being able to say no to nearly every housework chore. Of course the down side, here, is that those chores all seem to be waiting for me once I'm finished! xoMaggie
DeleteUPDATE! Just turned in the manuscript! Deadline Hell is officially over--for now. Cracked open an ice-cold Stella. Will shower, go outside, check on children, eat some vegetables, and yes, Mom, I will call you too. Woohoo!!!
ReplyDeleteLove your sense of humor. I am sure it is more truth than fiction. LOL
ReplyDelete