Break on Through to the Other Side

by Maggie Marr

Tonight, as I write this, I am exhausted. Whipped. Tired. A half centimeter to the left of drained. I have 66 pages to edit on my latest book and it is 11:08 pm. I usually get up at 4 am to write and go to bed by 9, but tonight, well tonight was family night. Plus a few documents for clients hit my inbox. Documents that had to be turned around by tomorrow. Thus my late night and perhaps my fatigue.

But fatigue is not an excuse to not write. Neither is exhaustion, jobs, children, in-laws, graduations, vacations, husbands, parents or [insert ANY excuse here]. I will give illness a pass as long as you're sporting a fever. Really there is no valid excuse not to make your fingers do the tippity-tappity dance across the keyboard. None. Nada. You either want to finish the manuscript or you don't. You either sit your ass in the chair or you don't. You either work harder for the win than the next person or you don't.

These are simple facts. They are so basic they remind me of 2 + 2 = 4. And yet these are facts that I attempt to avoid ALL THE TIME. My attempt is due to FEAR. Fear of failure. Fear of success. Fear of exposure. Fear of ... who the hell knows what else, but fear. Fear is a four letter word, and I love most four-letter words. I have the mouth of a well-educated sailor. But the word F-E-A-R well that one scares the heck out of me.

My fear is a conundrum and the way I tame that fear is counterintuitive. I must surrender to my fear. I accept that fear is part of my process and sometimes, fear is even my friend.

My process usually involves the following:

1. Think of FABULOUS title.

2. Hear voices of characters. Learn names.

3. Begin first draft.

4. Have no idea how to get from middle of Act 2 to beginning of Act 3.
    4.5 Pull out hair.
    4.6 Gnash teeth.
    4.7 Pace, eat potato chips, watch trashy TV, sometimes forget to shower.

5. Finish first draft.

6. Realize fabulous title is NOT fabulous. Rename project.

7. Put book away and vow only 2 weeks!

8. 2 weeks becomes 3 weeks.

9. 3 weeks becomes...OH SHIT I HAVE A DEADLINE.

10. Pull out book. Read.

11. See 4.5-4.7

12. Begin NEVER ENDING REWRITE THAT I WILL DIE TRYING TO DO.

13. See 4.5-4.7

14. Edit horrible book.

15. Send to editor.

16. Reread and love.

17. 24 hours later reread and hate.

18. More passes. More edits. Again can NOT find solution to end of 2nd act beginning of 3rd act problem that at this point may or may not exist. Who knows??

19. Loathe this project.

20. New project, new characters whisper love-nothings in my ear (Worthless Whores! (please see above reference to Sailor Swearing)) as I grow weary of current project. 

21. Finally send off book.

22. See 4.5-4.7

23. Feel brief, ever-fleeting sense of accomplishment.

24. Begin new project. See 1

25. Reminisce about project when book pubs. 

And yet, I LOVE THIS JOB. Crazy? Well, yes. Of course. Who willingly does the above over and over and over again (now more than 10 times). No one is forcing me to write -- well except those characters in my head whispering to me. I've tried to stop writing, but they continue to whisper.

All through the above there is FEAR and LOVE. I live that battle day in and day out. Every day. I give love the advantage by telling myself there is no excuse, by forcing my butt into the chair, by truly enjoying my characters and my stories and this brilliant beautiful gift that whatever Force runs this universe gave me. A gift, of which I am not yet worthy, nor is my craft good enough to do justice. I ask myself, who am I to turn my back on such a gift? What hubris to let my petty human FEAR destroy this gift and win out over LOVE.

No, not I. I will not fail in this fight, even when it involves bags and bags of potato chips. Yes, I will sacrifice my thighs for my art. I will get through 1-25 over and over and over again and I will always break through to the other side.

Broken Glamour, a project that I love and now fondly remember.


Maggie Marr is an author and attorney. The Glamour Series is her latest new adult contemporary romance series. Hard Glamour published January 2014 and Broken Glamour publishes spring 2014. She is also the author of the Hollywood Girls Club Series, Courting Trouble, and Can't Buy Me Love. Please click here to get Maggie's newsletter. She won't get spammy, but she will give one lucky subscriber a gift every time she sends a newsletter. Maggie lives and works in Los Angeles.  
 

You Gotta Believe!

by Judy Merrill Larsen

Fears. Worries. We all have them. I mean, except for those who don't. Who always seem calm, cool, collected and above it all.



But, I'm not talking to them. And, besides, I'm guessing they are afraid of not seeming calm, cool, collected and above it all.

So, here's the thing. You have to have faith. You gotta believe. Just do it.

I can be the queen of (irrational) fears. Snakes. Satellites falling from the sky on one of my kids. Dreaded diseases. Can I just say that WebMD is not my friend? I've always been this way. I distinctly remember when I was 10 and reading all the Little House on the Prairie books. I had a cold with a bad cough. My throat was all congested. And some character in the book (a minor one) died of Diphtheria. So, of course, I diagnosed myself with Diphtheria and was a little put out that no one in my family was very concerned that at any moment I was about to die. I remember coughing quietly into my kleenex and thinking how much they would miss me and how bad they'd feel that they hadn't been nicer. And I was quite surprised when I woke up the next morning very much alive. I even mentioned it to my mom, who, when she stopped laughing, assured me that I did NOT have diphtheria and also pointed out that I'd been immunized when I was a toddler.



Oh well.

That didn't quite get rid of my hypochondriac tendencies. Suffice it to say that I've diagnosed myself with cancer more times than you can imagine. My doctor just shakes her head when I tell her my latest diagnosis (always grim).

But, deep down, I believe that no matter what, I'll be okay.

Just like deep down I have faith in my writing. Even when all I seem to be getting are rejections. I have faith in the kindness of people even when I see lots of evidence to the contrary. Because giving up just isn't an option. Sure, some family and friends probably shook their heads when I kept submitting queries. I mean, I'd been rejected over and over and over again. But all it takes is one yes. And I eventually got that yes. I have faith in the future of publishing. People love to read. So they'll continue to buy books. Maybe more and more will be e-books. Or paperbacks. But people are still reading. So, I'll keep writing.

You never know. That's the key. And that's the wonder of it all.

Let me give another example . . . on August 25, the St. Louis Cardinals were 10.5 games out in the National League wild card race (there was no way they were going to win their division). They were toast. But you know what? They didn't count themselves out. They went 18-8 in September and on the last day of the season, won the wild card. Then they went on to beat the Phillies and then the Brewers in the playoffs. Two teams with better records and home field advantage. Okay, so heading into the World Series, NO ONE picked them to win it all (well, other than my husband and sons).



But, they won it all. They believed in themselves. They didn't give in to naysayers or prognosticators or their own self-doubt. They didn't diagnose themsleves with diphtheria. They just played with heart and faith and guts.

That's all any of us can do. Live with heart and faith and guts. Write with belief. And heart and faith and guts.

I have a new manuscript I'm putting the finishing touches on. And I believe--deep down where it really matters--that it will find the perfect editor who will love it as much as I do. It won't get diphtheria because my belief will immunize it. I mean, if the Cardinals could do it, so can my book.

What's your diphtheria? What do you need to really believe in?

I live in St. Louis, MO with my husband, am the mom/stepmom to five kids (ages 18-26), and taught high school English for 15 years. I'm over on Facebook and Twitter . My first novel, ALL THE NUMBERS was published in 2006.

Never Fear

by Carleen Brice. LMN will be showing Sins of the Mother, the movie based on my first novel Orange Mint and Honey Saturday 10/15 and Sunday 10/16.

Halloween is coming up, but we writers don't need a special day to scare ourselves. Would that we only got the shivers once a year! Every writer has that moment (or moments) when they worry about their work. Will I finish? Will it be good enough? Do I have anything to say? Will my husband, mother, best friend still like me if I publish this? What if I fail? And on the list goes. Self-doubt is part of the creative process. Actually, a better headline for this post would be:

Fear, dear writers, but write anyway.

As I work on the rewrite of my next novel, I'm dealing with some fears of my own, so I asked some author friends how they deal with their inner Doubting Thomas or Thomasina. Grab a handful of candy corn and read some of their inspirational and funny answers below.

For more advice on conquering doubt, please check out my guest blog post on Writer Unboxed. It goes up on Friday, October 14 and includes interviews with three life coaches who are also authors. (If you're a writer, you really ought to be checking Writer Unboxed regularly!)


Fear vs. reality

I think it's about realizing that fear is just a feeling. It's not the truth. I used to think that being afraid meant, ‘I can't write.’ Now I know it just means I'm afraid. With more experience, you learn to tolerate the fear and accept it as part of the process... but certainly not the final word on the work itself. – Attica Locke, author of Black Water Rising

The "Doubting Thomas" will never go away completely, but you can learn to ignore it (the NLP technique of changing the sound of the voice to, say, Mickey Mouse, works great) or balance it with more positive voices. Meditation is a great way to learn the difference between your internal monologue and sensations...and the real you. – Steven Barnes, author of Shadow Valley and co-author with Tananarive Due and Blair Underwood of the Tennyson Hardwick mysteries.


Even the greats suffered

I think every writer has it. I remember reading the letters of Faulkner and Steinbeck and Hemingway (back when I was teaching) and they definitely had moments of self-doubt. So, it helps me to know that. And then I generally try to just put my head down and plow through it. I give myself permission to write total dreck, knowing it will be edited out during revisions. I remind myself that I write for the pure joy of it. For the sense of accomplishment for having written. Sometimes I pull out the letters I've received from readers thanking me for my novel, telling me it helped them or resonated with them. That's a definite confidence booster. But the most important thing I can do is sit down and write. Whether it's a good paragraph and a great chapter or a scene that does exactly what it was supposed to do. I'm a writer, so I write. – Judy Merrill Larsen, author of All the Numbers 

I remind myself that self-doubt is natural. It's normal. It's part of the process. Show me a writer who has no self-doubt, and I'll show you someone who doesn't understand what good writing takes. - Connie Briscoe, author of Money Can't Buy Love

Don’t compare yourself

We should all try to be the best we can be. But there comes a time to take our "inner critic" off the clock. I'm not endorsing complacency or mediocrity, but give yourself some slack. We have to stop comparing ourselves to others, or to impossible, self-imposed standards. There will always be talented, smart, successful writers out there, but so what? We have to remember that their talent in no way diminishes ours. – Virginia DeBerry, author (along with Donna Grant) of several novels including What Doesn’t Kill You and Uptown

"Doubt is the big machine." That's from Victor LaValle's novel Big Machine. I don't have any easy answers other than to say that anxiety can paralyze me if I let it. I just try to keep my head down, eyes focused on the page. The moment I look up--at other writers, at reviews, at sales numbers--I lose my balance. I also remind myself to smile, have fun. – Dolen Perkins-Valdez, author of the New York Times best-selling Wench

Wallow a moment, then keep writing!

I would love to give you something profound. However all I can say is: ignore that voice and keep stepping. You were given this writing gift for a reason. – Beverly Jenkins, author of too many romances to count, including Night Hawk.

From the first time I sat down to write my novel, I’ve been plagued with doubt. I keep writing. The doubt never stops. Sometimes I succumb, giving myself a cutoff—one day of wallowing—and nurse it with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s New York Super Fudge Chunk ice cream. Then I read and reread the affirmations I keep in my office, so that when I sit down to write, I can shove that devil off my shoulder and keep doing what I love. – Jacqueline Luckett, author of Searching for Tina Turner and the forthcoming Passing Love

I sit and let myself feel sorry for myself for a bit and then I start to wonder, what else would I do if I didn't write? And I can never think of anything so, I get back to writing until the next time. – J.D. Mason, author of several novels including Somebody Pick Up My Pieces

Every project reaches what Joseph Campbell refers to as the ‘dark night of the soul,’ the moment when it seems that it won't work, can't work, and it was a mistake even to try. This is when your previous experience comes in--remembering that ‘you've been here before.’ I've published 25 books, and every single time I hit this ‘wall.’ My favorite way through it? I talk to my ex-wife, who was with me at the beginning: "Toni?" I say, "do I hit a point every single time where it feels as if my work is turning into puree of bat shit?" "Yep," she answers. "Every single time." Bless her heart. We all have those moments, and we all need to create rituals to get through them! – Steven Barnes, author of Shadow Valley, and co-author with Tananarive Due and Blair Underwood of the Tennyson Hardwick mysteries

I think of Doubt as the biggest gatekeeper. Like in order to get anything written or published, first you have to go toe-to-toe with Doubt. And it's like a videogame. It doesn't matter how many times Doubt beats you, you can always man-up and fight again. It's not over until you put the controller down/stop writing. So whenever, Doubt is starting to defeat me, I remind myself, that it defeats most people, and that's why a lot of folks will never get published. The writers who keep on coming back for more are the only ones who will ever win the game. – Ernessa T. Carter, author of 32 Candles

Be an instrument of the Divine

Doubt happens when I compare myself to other writers. So as a faith writer, when I doubt, I do a God thing. I talk to God, asking him to replace fear with faith—to quiet my voice so I can hear his. Then I sit down and write about it. In fact, I’ve sold a lot of commentary this way. So I take to heart William Zinsser's advice in On Writing Well: “Trust your material.” Still great advice. I mean, what better topic for a faith writer than doubt?” – Patricia Raybon, author of I Told the Mountain to Move and God’s Great Blessings

There are many ways to write a book and for me it was a matter of allowing myself to be used as an "instrument of the divine." In one day, four different people said that I should write a book. The next day, I took that idea into my morning meditation and the answer came back, "yes, write a book." I rushed downstairs, turned on the computer, wrote 6 pages…it was a struggle. The next day during my morning meditation, I said to God, “if you want a book, you write it”! I turned on my computer and waited …then I just started typing the words I heard. At the end of the day, I had 20 pages of just words with no paragraph spacing. Every day for the next five days the writing came like this. Finally, in my morning mediation I asked if I could be shown where this was going. It was like the “celestial editors” showed up. The 100 pages were sectioned off into paragraphs, chapter titles and subtitles were added. Everything written to that point was perfectly logical. I finished the book, Awakening of a Chocolate Mystic in just two weeks. The first time I got a chance to see what I created was when I read the book as it was about to be published… up to that point, it was just a bunch of words. – Robin Johnson, author of Awakening of a Chocolate Mystic