Somebody to Lean On

by Marilyn Brant

I hope the title makes you all start swaying and singing, too, because friends don't let friends do karaoke alone. C'mon, I wanna hear ya now, "We all need, somebody to lean on..."

This writing gig is a tough journey. 

I tend to be pretty independent but, after more than a decade of writing and publishing, it's been proven to me again and again that this isn't a career path I'd want to travel without a support system. That support system doesn't have to traipse around with me constantly in my daily life. Virtual pals are great, too, although it's nice to have both. What it does have to be is genuine. I think we've all experienced the sting of thinking someone is a friend because they act nice on the surface, only to find they've been talking about us behind our backs, feeling resentful when things are going our way or, even worse, gleeful when things aren't. But when you find someone who is truly supportive, I don't think even the best writing tools on the planet are more effective than such a friend at helping us work through those rough patches.

When I first began taking fiction writing seriously, my only support system was my family, specifically my husband. (My son was too little back then to do anything other than shred my manuscript pages or, occasionally, chew on one.) I didn't know ANY professional writers of any kind and didn't have a clue about the process. So, until I'd finished writing my first draft, I didn't tell my parents, my husband's parents, or even my brother that I was working on a novel. Once they knew, they were tremendously supportive, especially my husband's mom, who must have earned several heavenly medals in the mother-in-law sainthood category after reading and giving me feedback on THREE different drafts of my first dreadful, deservedly unpublished manuscript. (And then the dear woman read my second manuscript. And my third. And my fourth. And most of what became my debut novel, According to Jane. She was incredible...) 

My brother, who couldn't be more of a macho-cool guy and a fan of bloody thrillers, surprised me by asking to read a number of my early romance, chick-lit, and women's fiction efforts. My son, who's still a bit young to be reading most of my books, learned to give Mommy time to write uninterrupted and, when that failed, my very sweet husband learned that an evening of bonding with his son (out of the house) was right up there chocolate, roses, and whispered sweet nothings.

But strong support on the home front, while priceless, wasn't the only kind I knew I needed. I somehow lucked into getting involved with my local RWA chapter (Chicago-North), and this helped me branch out into meeting other aspiring writers online and, eventually, at conferences and in person, from all around the world. I know I wouldn't have become a published author without the insight, encouragement, and astute feedback of my critique partners. More than that, I wouldn't have survived years of rejections or the whirlwind of release days and promotional events without the friends in my life -- online and off -- who've been there to talk me out of torching a problematic scene in the fireplace, to distract me from reading negative reviews with the promise of Almond Joy martinis, and/or to email me links to helpful articles when they know it'll give me valuable information.

What about you? Who do you call on when, um, you need a hand? (Cue the music again...start swaying and clapping to the song...) Who can you lean on? Please share!

*A version of this post appeared on Magical Musings in October 2010.*

Marilyn Brant is a USA Today bestselling author of contemporary women's fiction, romantic comedy, and mystery. Her novels have won awards such as RWA's Golden Heart and the Booksellers' Best, and they've been featured in the Doubleday Book Club, the Literary Guild, BOMC, and the Rhapsody Book Club. She loves music, chocolate, travel, and all things Jane Austen, and she was named the 2013 Author of the Year by the Illinois Association of Teachers of English. 

Visit her website at www.marilynbrant.com or check out her latest novel -- a coming-of-age romantic mystery called The Road to You.

Giving Your Fellow Writers the Right Words and Some Good Deeds by Wendy Nelson Tokunaga

“To be doing good deeds is man’s most glorious task.” – Sophocles

A few weeks ago a writer asked me for some advice. Her debut novel is coming out this summer and she’s understandably full of anxiety and extremely busy in preparing for this big event in her life, something for which she’s worked long and hard. She’s been showing up at her fellow writers’ readings and book events and giving support and promoting them online, but this can be time consuming. “I’m worried that I just don’t have enough time to do this even though I think it’s important to be supportive. Do you think this is something that should be a priority?” she asked. I said yes; it’s all about give and take and offering support. It’s shouldn’t be “tit for tat” but hopefully these authors will support her in the future when her book comes out: everyone can help each other. It’s all good. She should do as much as she can, especially at such a pivotal time in her writing life.

I’ve found that networking and being supportive—both online and in-person—is a good thing to do and I’ve gained many lasting relationships with writers because of it. But you can’t expect that someone will always return the favor. Six years ago, when my debut novel was just months away from coming out, I went to a reading at a big box bookstore for another debut novelist. I’ll call her Ms. Author. Ms. Author lived locally and I’d heard about her book, which was in a similar genre to mine, but I didn’t know her personally. I wanted to meet her and see how her reading would go—maybe I could learn something and support a fellow debut novelist along the way. So I went to her event on a Sunday afternoon in a crowded part of town where it was a hassle to park. And I found that the bookstore had stuck her in a corner where no one would have noticed a reading going on. Two of her friends showed up—and me. Three people. That was it.

After she read I introduced myself and we exchanged e-mail addresses (this was before Facebook and Twitter). She thanked me for coming and of course I bought her book and had her sign it. We exchanged an email or two afterwards, but she didn’t respond when my book came out and I never saw her at any of my book events, some of which could have used a few more attendees! A couple of years later when we both had second books out, Ms. Author and I were put on the same reading event for a big book festival in our area. I read before her and she was in the audience. Did she remember me? Did she recall that day when I first met her? After the event ended it was crowded. When I tried to catch her glance to make contact, nothing happened. She was obviously not looking to connect with me or else had forgotten who I was.

Well, no big deal. I certainly didn’t lose any sleep over this and I hadn’t thought of her for several years. But the other day I received an email from her. She has a new novel coming out next year. She apologized for sending an impersonal mass email and then pasted in the announcement of her book that appeared on Publisher’s Marketplace. The next paragraph of the email explained how important online buzz and word of mouth is to the success of a book. She said she’s “doing her part” by writing a blog post on a site that gets a million visitors a month. She informed us that she’s finally getting on social media and wants us to accept her Facebook friend request when it comes in. She promised to send out further emails to us so we can spread the word for her. She gave us suggestions: asking our local library branch to carry her book, coming out to her local readings, “liking” the book on Facebook, posting reviews on Amazon and Goodreads. She said she’d continue to send out emails over the coming year with further suggestions on how we could help her. Then she said she hoped we’d enjoy the book.

A very practical strategy. She was doing all the things you’re supposed to. But what was missing? The right words. Something also about helping fellow authors, or collaborating on promotion, or offering a guest blog post, or putting together panels at book events to draw attention to others’ books, etc. Instead this email’s theme seemed to be what you can do for me.

Another author friend told me how much she appreciated when I came to her reading at a local independent bookstore a few years ago. “You didn’t know me,” she said. “But you came anyway and bought my book.”

“Yes,” I replied. “It’s all about support and networking. It’s not that I expect anything out of it, but it does seem to be the right thing to do.”

Girlfriends, what do you think? What are your experiences with being supportive and receiving support from your fellow authors?

Wendy Nelson Tokunaga is the author of the novels, "Midori by Moonlight" and "Love in Translation" (both published by St. Martin's Press), and the e-book novels, "Falling Uphill" and "His Wife and Daughters," and e-book short story, “The Girl in the Tapestry.” She's also the author of the nonfiction e-book, "Marriage in Translation: Foreign Wife, Japanese Husband."  Wendy holds an MFA in Creative Writing from University of San Francisco and teaches for Stanford University's Online Writer's Studio Novel Certificate Program. She also does private manuscript consulting for novels and memoirs. Follow her on Twitter at @Wendy_Tokunaga, friend her on Facebook and visit her website at: www.WendyTokunaga.com

Book Girl Power (aka Gushing Over the Girlfriends Book Club)

by Susan McBride

Writing is such a weird business. I always think of my friends who don’t write as “civilians,” because—while I love them dearly—they don’t always get me like my author pals do. When it comes to dealing with the insanity of the publishing world, there’s nothing like having people around you who’ve experienced that insanity, too.

That’s why I adore the idea behind the Girlfriends Book Club. I’m all for girl power and women supporting each other. Maybe because I moved around so often as a kid (my dad worked for IBM = I’ve Been Moved), I deeply value the friendships I’ve made in my adulthood. In fact, I wouldn’t be on this blog without a little help from a fab friend named Marilyn Brant.

When I think of how Marilyn and I met, it’s so fluky, as some of the best things in life often are. Late last year, I ran a contest on my web site. Marilyn entered, and I thought her name seemed familiar. (Cue light bulb.) I quickly realized she was the author of ACCORDING TO JANE (which I read and loved). I promptly begged her to donate a signed copy for a fundraiser I was doing for the local chapter of Susan G. Komen. She generously replied, “Of course!” Emails about the fundraiser led to more emails about everything under the sun, including Tales of Glee and Woe from the Publishing Front.

Even after a decade as a published author, I still experience Pub Date Panic. I would’ve been a basket case (okay, even more of a basket case) without Marilyn and my trusted writer pals when THE COUGAR CLUB debuted earlier this year, particularly when I realized not everyone finds the C-word as amusing as I do (FYI, I married a younger guy who chased me; so when folks call me “Cougar,” I laugh and tell them I’m an ‘accidental’ Cougar”). Marilyn talked me down on several occasions, like when I stumbled upon a Tweet by the fiction editor of a major publishing trade journal stating: Do I really have to assign a book called THE COUGAR CLUB? (Well, apparently she didn’t, because nothing ever ran despite them giving my publisher a review date. I guess I should've been relieved.)

And when I found rabid online rants about COUGAR on my city paper’s web site a week before the book came out, I freaked. It was clear the ranters were reacting to the title without knowing the contents, but it still got my goat seeing my baby called—among other things—“filth” and “trash.” At its heart, THE COUGAR CLUB is about three 45-year-old lifelong chums supporting each other as they deal with mid-life crises in their work and relationships. But the trash-talkers would have to crack the spine to find that out, so they probably never will.

Besides dissuading me from going back on the newspaper web site to comment “MEAN PEOPLE SUCK,” Marilyn did me the favor of playing fairy godmother and introducing me to the Girlfriends Book Club. I did a happy dance the day Karin emailed to say, “Welcome!” I feel like I’m a part of an incredible sorority that's way funnier and more interesting than the one I joined in college.

It's because of the GBC that I came face to face with yet another cool chick, Judy Merrill Larsen, who serendipitously lives in my neck of the woods. I had a laughter-filled lunch with Judy not long ago, and I instantly felt like I’d known her forever. We talked families and books and growing up, and I often found myself nodding and saying, “Yep, I know just what you mean!”

There’s just something magical about connecting with other women who write. There’s an instant empathy and understanding, like we’re all sisters from another mother. And the support goes far beyond our books.  I've had my hands held by my publishing pals and civilian pals alike during some rough stuff.  True friends are very much like human life preservers.  They keep us afloat.

Every morning when I get up and head to the computer to begin my day, I make sure to check out the newest post on the GBC. It’s so much fun learning about each woman in her own voice and seeing what topics are being broached. Inevitably, I find myself nodding and thinking—as I did at lunch with Judy—“Yep, I know just what you mean!” It feels good to be with a group of literary ladies who celebrate the quirkiness of life and who understand the ups and downs of this writing thing I’m so passionate about.

So thanks to my fellow Girlfriends on this blog and everywhere!  We're like a merry band of modern-day Musketeers...all for one and one for all!  Well, you know what I mean.  :-) 

***
P.S.  My latest reading addiction: Australian author Kate Morton’s books, including THE FORGOTTEN GARDEN and THE HOUSE AT RIVERTON. I’m looking very much forward to her next one, THE DISTANT HOURS, which comes out in November.
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Susan McBride is the author of THE COUGAR CLUB (HarperCollins, 02/10), her debut in women’s fiction about three friends who learn you’re never too old to follow your heart. COUGAR was named a Bookmarked Breakout Title by Target stores, was a Midwest Booksellers Association Midwest Connections Pick, and made MORE Magazine’s list of “February Books We’re Buzzing About.” Susan has also penned five award-winning Debutante Dropout Mysteries for HarperCollins/Avon, including BLUE BLOOD and TOO PRETTY TO DIE, as well as three young adult DEBS novels for Random House. She is currently at work on another women’s fic title about two sisters, a daughter, and a magical LITTLE BLACK DRESS that changes the course of their lives (HarperCollins, fall of 2011), and she’s signed for another after that. She’ll also be writing a young adult thriller for Random House in 2011. Susan is a breast cancer survivor and frequently speaks on the subject of "books and boobs." For more scoop, visit http://susanmcbride.com/.