PUT UP YOUR DUKES by Jenny Gardiner

Hi! Sorry I am not getting a writing-related blog post up today but I spilled a cappuccino on my laptop yesterday so am feeling grateful it's even working right now, but I got waylaid with being unable to use it and finish writing anything, so instead I'm posting something entirely outside of writing, just for your amusement. Thanks!! I think I owe an apology to my fellow pugilists in boxing class at the gym. My Type A mentality appears to have seeped into the otherwise collegial group and launched a lamentable trend (though I could argue where better for Type A behavior to infiltrate than in an aggressive pursuit like boxing?). It wasn't on purpose. Or I should say it wasn't overtly intentional. Mostly it arose from a purely maternal instinct, if one can have maternal instincts when it comes to hitting something with your fists, even if it is with hot pink gloves. You see, before I got all territorial in boxing, no one ever claimed a bag. People would show up and mill about the room, chatting while wrapping their hands. After warm-up, they'd migrate to a bag, depending on who was in the class. But then I came along. And persuaded my daughter to start boxing too. But she was often late to class, coming right from work, and I wanted to share a bag with her, so I had the brilliant idea to just drop our gloves when I got to class in front of one of the bags, which would indicate that two people would be on that bag. I suppose the fact that the gloves were pink automatically sent the men running to a separate bag. I'm fairly certain the idea of anything but traditional black boxing gloves is anathema to any man worth his salt. Dirty secret: this certainly worked to our advantage, because it's actually harder to punch on a bag with a guy who is pounding the thing with far more power. So pink gloves meant the guys would seek out another bag to reserve. Honestly, I didn't claim the bag in order to be territorial. I just wanted to ensure that she and I could box together. How would I know that people would pick up on the trend and start dropping their gloves first thing on their own bag of choice? For that matter, who knew there even were bags of choice? But now, when the doors open for class, people beeline to the spots where the bags aren't even out yet, at the ready, staking their home for the next 60 minutes, marking their territory, like a good fighter should. So maybe I've done them all a favor. Perhaps I was somehow answering that call of the wild that is deep down in us all, that need to have that fire hydrant with which you can do whatever you damn well please. Damn that reptilian part of my brain! And I'll try not to flinch at the irony of my staking out a bag so that my daughter and I could punch together. Talk about genteel familial bonding! It would probably be wiser to bond over shopping, though that too can become an aggressive pursuit, if a sale is especially good (think Thanksgiving night at WalMart). Now one might argue that this spot-saving thing is rooted in a childhood in which I had to stake my claim or not get it. Growing up with three brothers, well, I'd have been much better off with a nice set of (pink) boxing gloves, frankly. Then I could have put those boys in their place from the get-go, ensuring never having to fend for myself. It's a shame that rears its ugly head in the most unexpected of places. Though it's a little fitting to create a potential battleground in a boxing class full of pugilist wannabes. I can only hope it doesn't come down to fisticuffs to determine primacy on the bag at some point. At least we're armed with the right equipment. For that matter, at least I didn't do this in yoga. Though, come to think of it, attendees can get pretty jabby with the elbows when the yoga doors open, all clamoring to get their mat in just that perfect spot. Maybe I need to bring my hot pink gloves next time I'm in yoga, just in case… I'm just hoping my spot on the bag isn't eclipsed by some young turk who's taken advantage of my absence from the class while I'm away this month. After all, while I've developed a pretty mean right hook in that class, I'd rather not have to actually use it.


  Sleeping with Ward Cleaver

Slim to None

Anywhere But Here

Winging It: A Memoir of Caring for a Vengeful Parrot Who's Determined to Kill Me

Accidentally on Purpose (written as Erin Delany)

Compromising Positions (written as Erin Delany)

I'm Not the Biggest Bitch in this Relationship (I'm a contributor)

And these shorts:
Idol Worship: A Lost Week with the Weirdos and Wannabes at American Idol Auditions

The Gall of It All: And None of the Three F's Rhymes with Duck

Naked Man On Main Street

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Get the Most From Critique Partners by Jess Riley

From time to time, I’m contacted by local writers who have questions for me about publishing. Typically, the other writer is a woman in my demographic who has written one or two novels and simply wants to hear how a fellow Cheesehead has pursued publication. We meet for coffee or lunch, and in two delightful cases, we’ve become good friends.  In one of these cases, the writer and I have actually become critique partners.

People often ask me how I find critique groups or partners, and my own process has evolved over the years. In college and shortly after, I participated in a few larger critique groups, which I was not a fan of. Stephen King eloquently summed up my own feelings in his fabulous book on craft, On Writing. The section begins on page 231 (I know you have your own copy, right?), and boils down to the difficulty of “writing with the door open.”  I feel that ongoing, immediate feedback impedes my creative process; now, I don’t want to share anything with early readers and CPs until I have a finished draft that I feel is ready for criticism.

When I started writing with an eye toward being published, I joined an online group of other writers in my genre and found a few long-distance CPs. This worked fine for a while, but eventually I also began securing feedback from friends who were avid readers—lucky for me, they also understood how to give constructive criticism. 

Currently, I have roughly six early (beta) readers comprised of grammar fiends, avid readers, and fellow writers. My husband isn’t an avid reader, but he weighs in on a nearly-finished draft as well, because he has a great ear for dialogue and humor. Altogether, these people comprise my “Ideal Reader.” Once I receive their feedback, the book goes through another edit, and then it’s off to at least two professional editors, regardless of whether I’m indie-publishing it or not: the conceptual editor for the “forest level” view: structural guidance, character development and motivation, overall story arc, etc.; and then on to the copy editor for a close-up of the individual trees: grammar, overused phrasing, inconsistencies, wordiness, excess adverbs, and the kinds of embarrassing goofs eagle-eyed readers always seem to find. 

After I made the changes suggested by my copy editor, I also sent my last novel, Mandatory Release, to a freelance proof reader.  And finally, my mother—who actually found two sneaky mistakes all of us had missed. 

So how do you find your trusted inner circle of critique partners? They’re incredibly valuable and rare, so be prepared to commit some time to finding just the right group of people. And if they are also writers, be prepared to read and weigh in on their work as well. It’s only fair, right? Sometimes finding the right people involves luck (sitting next to the right person at a conference, for example). And sometimes it won’t be a good fit, so don’t worry if you have to move on and keep looking. If you’re looking for a CP or two among a network of fellow writers, here are some general considerations:

1. What genres do we all write? You all don’t have to write romance, but if you critique a story in another genre, it helps to at least read books in that genre from time to time, to have an understanding of readers’ expectations.
2. What stage is everyone at in their career? Your fellow CPs all don’t have to be published if you are, but you should all have a solid grasp of the craft. And it’s much easier to find people in your same literary boat.
3. Set some ground rules. What exactly are you looking for in terms of feedback? Be specific. Communicate to avoid hurt feelings or disappointment. If you don’t ask for what you want and need, you may not get it. (This also applies in most other areas of life. File under, “Duh.”)
4. How do you feel your new CP has handled his or her first review of your work? Is their feedback critical yet tactful? If your partner says nothing but, “I love it, it’s just fabulous!” you may want to hire a professional for the raw, honest criticism a close friend or family member may be afraid to give you. This person WILL be reading with the knives out, and you are paying him or her for the privilege. (How to find a good conceptual or copy editor? Word of mouth … acknowledgements in novels you like …)
5. Flip it: how does your new CP take YOUR constructive feedback?
6. Finally, schedules and turn-around time frames: how quickly do you work? How soon do you need feedback? If you send a novel to a CP and don’t hear anything for two months and you’ve been a knot of anxiety while you wait, either check in politely and next time communicate a target date, or move on to someone who can be as prompt as you are. All of us have experienced the epic waits involved with agent or editor submissions; it’s nice to reduce at least some of the waiting when part of the process is still in our own control. That said, respect that your partner has a life, just as you do. It boils down to give and take and communication.

~~~~~

JessRiley is the author of three novels and one novella, and for the first time in nearly four years, does not have a project on submission or with a critique partner.  Her latest novel, Mandatory Release, was published this July. She recently made the leap to freelance copy editing, which she absolutely loves. Find her on her website, Facebook, or follow her on Twitter (@jessrileywrites).

No E-Z Pass for Novelists... But There Are Ways to Lessen the Toll

by Saralee Rosenberg

A novel is written in drafts for a good reason. The long, scenic drive, aka the writing journey, allows the author lots of time to tell themselves (and anyone who will listen):

• This is total crap.
• The story is going nowhere.
• The dialogue is lame.
• Nobody will read this.
• I don't even know what I'm saying anymore
• I thought it was going to be a thriller but now it's a comedy
• If  I schedule my knee surgery I won't be able to write for weeks. Months?

If you are navigating your way through pages and pages of story in the hopes of miraculously running into a novel, sorry- EZ Pass is not accepted. However, you can and should pull over every few chapters to determine if your WIP (work in progress) is headed in the right direction.

Of course you can reach out to other writers you respect to ask their opinion (and you should) but not before checking out these road signs. 

1.    CAUTION! Is the main character keeping you up at night or instead, do they bore you? If they are evolving but not necessarily scaring the crap out of you, consider these possible culprits:

·       Their inner and/or outer conflicts are still being kept top secret

·      They lack distinction and need a personality makeover

·       They are being overshadowed by a minor character who is getting the best lines

·       They are not multi-dimensional enough. Focus on their flaws and their elusive dreams to fill them like an overstuffed sandwich. Be generous with details!

2.     STOP SPEEDING! When you re-read a chapter do you blow past any paragraphs or pages? That could be a sign of a weak structure and pacing. Ask yourself:

·      Is there too much tell and not enough show?

·      Are you trying to space out your big reveals, leaving big gaps in between? Escalating drama is something that cannot wait. Every chapter should contain mystery and intrigue

·       Are you getting lost in back story and/or interior thought? Yes, there are things you want the reader to know but share that in dramatic scenes that unfold in real time.

YAWN ALERT: If you are bored by so much as a sentence, imagine the reader’s response. In other words, if you skip a few paragraphs of dense description, likely so will they.

3.     YIELD! Are you conflicted about which way to go?

·       Do any of the characters seemed to have had lobotomies since they last appeared? In other words, are they speaking and/or behaving in ways that are very different from when they were originally introduced?

·       Are the characters’ ages, occupations, physical traits, conflicts also consistent? For example, if your single, blonde protagonist suddenly has red hair and a fiancée, somewhere you took a wrong turn.

·       Are you pulling the thread through so that the plot lines you developed in the first few chapters are still an integral part of the story? Or have you abandoned them, leaving the readers wondering?

4.     PILE-UPS ARE GOOD!

·       You don't want the story to flatline so be sure that the narrative offers an ongoing stream of inciting incidents and reveals. Don't be stingy. Share! 
·       Have you foreshadowed possible events or character introductions?

·       Are you ending the chapters with dramatic cliffhangers?

5.     SPEAK UP!

·       Readers almost never skip dialogue so make sure yours is snappy and serves a purpose.

·       Be sure that your characters distinguish themselves through their spoken words. Give them unique speech patterns, expressions and mannerisms that are identifiable to them

·       Cut off dialogue mid-sentence. Aren’t people always interrupting you?

·       Does the dialogue ramble like an annoying Aunt? Chop, chop, chop.

·       Any SAT words? Ditch the thesaurus and write as you speak.

TECHNOLOGY ALERT: If your story takes place at any point since cell phones, texting and the Internet were introduced, then character interaction should reflect our digitized habits.

In most cases you can detect the fatal flaws of your manuscript after you have returned to the material with fresh eyes and a tall latte. But in the event that you really can't tell if your WIP is super charged, there is one sure fire test…

Put the manuscript away for a few days to see if you are thinking about your characters and their conflicts. Are you getting fresh ideas? Do you wonder how they’re managing without you? Or do you not think about them much at all?

If your characters are not on your radar it is possible that you’ve taken a wrong turn or several wrong turns.So try these:

·       Review your character bios to see if you’ve left out any compelling facts

·       Interview your main characters to probe what they’re hiding because if they are worthy, they are always hiding something

·       Be honest. Are you still in love? If yes, revise, rewrite, rethink, reconsider… but don’t get out of the car.

Saralee Rosenberg is the author of A LITTLE HELP FROM ABOVE, CLAIRE VOYANT, FATE AND MS. FORTUNE (all from Avon/HarperCollins). Her WIP, her debut for middle grade readers, is THE MIDDLE SCHOOL MEDIUM.  Visit her site: www.saraleerosenberg.com

Pride & Professionalism: Getting Help With Your Writing!

I use Grammarly for proofreading because I’m a lousy typist.

That’s right, six books and I still type with four fingers – two on each hand. But I’m not too proud to ask for help. As a professional, I can’t afford it. And neither can you.

The good news about today’s publishing market is that everyone can be an author. That’s also the bad news, because there is far more competition. To get your work read, it needs to be polished and professional. From translating your ideas into a story to typing a clean final draft, getting help can make all the difference.

Fortunately, there are all kinds of help available: friends, writing groups, workshop classes, consultants, editors, and online programs. Deciding what’s best for you can be harder than the actual writing. Writing is the fun part! (At least, I hope so.)

Friends & Family members are great. They can be perfect for that enthusiastic first read, when you don’t want anyone messing with your delicate idea. But their feedback may be about helping you, rather than the work.

Writing Groups are like a professional family, because they keep you motivated to turn in pages. They can provide a sense of community to lonely writers who spend too much time with the imaginary people in our heads. When it comes to critiques, be careful. Years ago, I stumbled out of my first group critique only to learn that the man who had ripped my family drama to shreds was a cameraman writing porno. My second writing group was made up of other authors who taught at the Writers Program at UCLA. This was a Dream Team – except we were too busy to schedule regular meetings. Last week, I was invited to join another writers group, so accomplished and committed that I had to ‘try out.’ After writing and consulting on my own for over a decade, I was wary. I researched the other members, read their work, and reviewed my other commitments. When I got the green light, how could I refuse? It can only make my work better. And that’s the goal.

Workshops and classes are a wonderful way to go. They provide leaders to keep writers on task with relevant comments and equal time. The Writers Program at UCLA provides training for instructors of quarterly workshops. Private workshops have devoted followings that can last for years. The down side of any group is that you may not get feedback as often as you like.

Manuscript Consultants are the best way to get specific, expert story advice. Invest your money wisely by finding a good one through referrals and reputation. Make sure your manuscript is in the best shape possible before submitting it. Good consultants will analyze your work and show you opportunities for improvement. They will not steal your idea, nor write it for you, so anticipate doing a revision. Relax and enjoy the process, knowing that the results will make you proud. Once your work is published, your name is on it forever.

Editors are your last chance to polish your work. Sloppy printing implies sloppy writing, and you’ve worked too hard to rush this part. If you have an agent and a traditional publisher, an in-house copyeditor will be sure the manuscript is perfectly formatted. If you are self-publishing, find someone to proofread the printed word. Go beyond spellcheck with Grammarly or other online tools. At a conference last week I heard about a writer who printed a thousand copies of her book - with a typo on the cover. After years of work, she blew her savings on a product that online stores refused to carry. And yes, readers will judge a book by the cover. Make yours a beauty!

Don’t be too proud to ask for help. That’s the secret to being professional.
 ________________________________________

Leslie Lehr is a prize-winning author, whose new novel is What A Mother Knows. Her essays appear in the New York Times, Huffington Post, and anthologies such as Mommy Wars. A graduate of the USC School of Cinematic Arts with an MFA from Antioch University, she is a member of PEN, The Authors Guild, WGA, Women In Film, The Women’s Leadership Council of L.A., and is a contributor to the Tarcher/Penguin Series “Now Write.”  

Leslie mentors writers through private consulting and Truby’s Writers Studio.

www.leslielehr.com
www.facebook.authorleslielehr    tw@leslielehr1
                                

Someone Needs to Review One-Star Reviewers

A Snarky Introduction to the People Who Write One Star Reviews

by Cindy Jones

The good thing about learning to process criticism from a writing group is that it prepares an author for the far more brutal feedback that comes with publication:  Reader Reviews.  The world needs balanced critical reviews for a lot of good reasons, but nobody needs the unbalanced, ruin your day, one-stars that can affect a book's sales as well as an author's future publishing prospects.  Surely checks and balances are lacking in a system that gives anyone with internet access power to take out their personal problems on an innocent book.  I don't know how to remedy the situation, but I do know some of the Unbalanced Reviewers you might meet in the One-Star Reviewing Department:       

Sue New-here writes short reviews—and there’s a reason.  She has no experience writing reviews.  She’s all about the stars.  If you check out her other reviews, as Amazon invites you to do, you won’t find any.  We happen to know that Sue has a personal connection with the author as well as shady motivation.  On the flip side, Sue also works the Five Star Review Department, generously helping her author friend, critique partner, etc.  When she's in the Five Star Mode, a writer cannot have too many friends like Sue New-here.

Mia Meh writes reviews claiming she could not summon the energy or enthusiasm to finish the book. Where she finds the energy or enthusiasm to write a review that will influence sales of a book she has not read is a legitimate question.  Perhaps Mia should begin a vitamin supplement to boost her energy or take up a more exciting hobby, like powerboat racing.

 

Ali Apology always begins her attacks with smug regret for the abysmal review she is about to bestow.  She really really wanted to like the book but alas cannot because (pause for effect) it didn’t meet her expectations.  Dear Ali:  It’s not about you.  Take a page from Lord David Cecil who said the reviewer is responsible for finding the genius in a work of literature (or something like that), not condemn a work simply because it failed to match your preference profile.  

Fiona Frustration never made good on her writing aspirations therefore all published books are a personal affront.  She demands compensation for the hours of her life wasted reading the book under attack and invokes her one-star weapon to finish it off.  She will occasionally upgrade her reviews to two stars because she thinks it gives her reviews more credibility.

  

Reba Wrath’s one star review is a cry for help.  Throwing the book against the wall and stabbing the author's star ranking might improve her mood for a few minutes but it will never compensate for the deep personal problems that plague her.  There is no way to know what will trigger Reba's wrath and the only way to guard against this kind of self-hatred is to ignore it.    

Have you encountered any One-Star Reviewers?  If so, please share details in the comments section.  

And, if you would like to read the prequel to this post, Writing Critique:  Survival Tips For Taking The Hits, click HERE.  

Cindy Jones is the author of My Jane Austen Summer, the story of a young woman who thinks she may have realized her dream of living in a novel when she is invited to participate in a Jane Austen Literary Festival.  Her problems follow her to England where she must change her ways or face the fate of so many of Jane Austen’s secondary characters, destined to repeat the same mistakes over and over again.

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Musings from a Critique Group Drop-Out by Christa Allan

I don’t like critique groups.

Not the idea of them, but the participation in one. I am a lousy critique-er and an equally lousy critique-ee.  In face-to-face groups, when writers read their pages, I find myself drifting in and out of consciousness, hoping my inner child does not start making farting noises, and attempting to translate words that enter my brain sounding like blahblahblahyaddayaddablah.   

These reactions aren’t born of arrogance, boredom or disrespectfulness. My ADD-self is a pitiful aural processor and can’t manage the dual task of listening and critiquing. I learned this about myself in pre-GPS days when people gave me oral directions, and I was lost after the first right turn.

I’ve tried online critique groups, but I found having more than three people providing feedback often confusing, sometimes contradictory, and always overwhelming.  As someone critiquing the writing of

others in the group, I struggled with maintaining continuity with so many different pieces and voices and genres. And, at times, the challenge of keeping up with the group’s expectations of the number of critiques meant not devoting the attention to the piece I would otherwise want to provide.

My oldest daughter was my critique “partner” for my first novel; I volunteered her. She’s a paralegal by profession who can produce reams of legalese when necessary, which means she’s quick to recognize crap and issues like the character having brown eyes on page 67 and blue eyes on page 180.

 I wish she still had the time to participate in chapter-by-chapter email volleyball because she was and is exactly who I need in a critique partner…someone who is relentless, not in shades of bitch or cruel, but in pushing me to be the best writer I can be. 

I have writer-friends who help me with plotting and structure and characters and line edits.  I don’t have someone or some two willing to push, pull and prod me into stronger writing. I’ve been planning a different direction for my writing for quite some time now, and in a few months (praying my husband will soon fire me), will be starting a new project. Having critique partners or a partner would be a bonus. I trust that, like finding a spouse and a great hair stylist, we’ll discover one another along the journey.

Image: Anna-Maria Crum and The Wild Writers

Christa Allan's newest novel, A Test of Faith, will release in March of 2014. You can track her down at www.christaallan.com(website is currently being rebuilt), Facebook, and Twitter. 

She and her husband recently moved to New Orleans with their three neurotic cats. You can find her other novels here.