Someone Needs to Review One-Star Reviewers

A Snarky Introduction to the People Who Write One Star Reviews

by Cindy Jones

The good thing about learning to process criticism from a writing group is that it prepares an author for the far more brutal feedback that comes with publication:  Reader Reviews.  The world needs balanced critical reviews for a lot of good reasons, but nobody needs the unbalanced, ruin your day, one-stars that can affect a book's sales as well as an author's future publishing prospects.  Surely checks and balances are lacking in a system that gives anyone with internet access power to take out their personal problems on an innocent book.  I don't know how to remedy the situation, but I do know some of the Unbalanced Reviewers you might meet in the One-Star Reviewing Department:       

Sue New-here writes short reviews—and there’s a reason.  She has no experience writing reviews.  She’s all about the stars.  If you check out her other reviews, as Amazon invites you to do, you won’t find any.  We happen to know that Sue has a personal connection with the author as well as shady motivation.  On the flip side, Sue also works the Five Star Review Department, generously helping her author friend, critique partner, etc.  When she's in the Five Star Mode, a writer cannot have too many friends like Sue New-here.

Mia Meh writes reviews claiming she could not summon the energy or enthusiasm to finish the book. Where she finds the energy or enthusiasm to write a review that will influence sales of a book she has not read is a legitimate question.  Perhaps Mia should begin a vitamin supplement to boost her energy or take up a more exciting hobby, like powerboat racing.

 

Ali Apology always begins her attacks with smug regret for the abysmal review she is about to bestow.  She really really wanted to like the book but alas cannot because (pause for effect) it didn’t meet her expectations.  Dear Ali:  It’s not about you.  Take a page from Lord David Cecil who said the reviewer is responsible for finding the genius in a work of literature (or something like that), not condemn a work simply because it failed to match your preference profile.  

Fiona Frustration never made good on her writing aspirations therefore all published books are a personal affront.  She demands compensation for the hours of her life wasted reading the book under attack and invokes her one-star weapon to finish it off.  She will occasionally upgrade her reviews to two stars because she thinks it gives her reviews more credibility.

  

Reba Wrath’s one star review is a cry for help.  Throwing the book against the wall and stabbing the author's star ranking might improve her mood for a few minutes but it will never compensate for the deep personal problems that plague her.  There is no way to know what will trigger Reba's wrath and the only way to guard against this kind of self-hatred is to ignore it.    

Have you encountered any One-Star Reviewers?  If so, please share details in the comments section.  

And, if you would like to read the prequel to this post, Writing Critique:  Survival Tips For Taking The Hits, click HERE.  

Cindy Jones is the author of My Jane Austen Summer, the story of a young woman who thinks she may have realized her dream of living in a novel when she is invited to participate in a Jane Austen Literary Festival.  Her problems follow her to England where she must change her ways or face the fate of so many of Jane Austen’s secondary characters, destined to repeat the same mistakes over and over again.

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