Tuesday, January 4, 2011

On the way to becoming a writer...


I live just steps away from Washington, D.C. – a city where people are as likely to ask, “What do you do?” as they are to say, “What’s your name?”
So … what do I do? It took me a while to figure that one out.
Eleven years ago, when my first son was born, I left my job as a features writer for the Baltimore Sun. As a reporter, I covered all sorts of compelling stories, from the accidental death of one police officer at the hands of a fellow officer to a glorious, sun-soaked Opening Day at the new Camden Yards baseball stadium. I spent a night at a haunted house – it was built on top of a graveyard, just like in the “Poltergeist” movie – and wrote the story of an aimless teenager who turned into a hero during the Columbine school shootings.
I adored my job, but my traffic-clogged daily commute to Baltimore, combined with the frequent travel required, made my decision to stay home an easy one – well, at least on the easier spectrum of the wrenching choice so many women face when they weigh how to best balance work and family. I kept reminding myself I was lucky to have a choice as I free-lanced a bit here and there, and then, less than two years later, had another gorgeous baby boy.
Life, as it tends to do, got more complicated. Our family moved to a new house (actually, a very old, fixer-upper of a house) and we began to renovate the kitchen, meaning we had no water on the main level for weeks – so every night, I scrubbed bottles in our bathtub and tried to dream up dinners I could cook in a microwave. Then my husband exhibited some serious multi-taking by catching pneumonia and simultaneously starting a new job, requiring him to work longer hours. The cherry on top? Our brand-new refrigerator exploded one night when we were all (oh, thankyouthankyouthankyou) out of the house. We arrived home just in time to summon the fire department to save the house – but our home was, once again, a fixer-upper. The new carpet, the new paint, the new counters… all destroyed. Oh, and so was our computer – and with it the first hundred pages of the novel I was trying to write late at night while the kids slept.
We moved to a hotel for a few months and the two babies and I slept on the fold-out couch so my husband, who’d cracked a rib from all his coughing, could sleep in the lone bed and try to recover. And it isn’t too much of an exaggeration to say that around that time, I quietly lost my mind. Well, as much as any Mom can lose her mind while she’s trying to hold the family together.  I didn’t have time for a breakdown. I didn’t even have time to blow-dry my hair. Which was probably no great loss, since I rarely had time to wash it, either.
And for the first time in my life, I didn’t have time to write.
Being a stay-at-home Mom was wonderful – and alternately exhausting, frustrating, funny and joyful. But I ached for writing. I missed it like you’d miss a beloved best friend you’d lost. Then one September, my youngest son began school. And I began to type.  I could’ve gone to the gym and tried to lose those last few pounds of baby weight (fine, ten!) or gone grocery shopping alone for the first time in years, but my keyboard was calling me. I was scared at first. Would I be rusty? Did I know what I was doing? And was I crazy to even try? Because I hadn’t written fiction since elementary school. I wasn’t sure I could put together an entire novel.
But fiction was what worked within the new parameters of my life. I couldn’t fly around the country chasing stories anymore, but I could dream them up. So the pages piled up, slowly and steadily. In the mornings I was a writer again, and in the afternoons, I was wiping noses and cutting the crusts off sandwiches. I’d finally found a balance.
Now I have another baby boy to snuggle – my third! – and every day, thanks to a wonderful babysitter and a nearby Grandma, I have a few free hours to write. The two best jobs I’ve ever had – writing and motherhood – are finally in sync. This is what I do. And I feel so very, very grateful.



15 comments:

  1. What a fantastic story, and I, for one, am really glad that you kept on with it. I can't wait for your new book!

    Oh, and sleeping in a hotel couch for two months? Ugh.....don't know how you did it!

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  2. Oh, my, Sarah, what an amazing ride . . . and I too am so happy you found your balance and your voice. Can't wait to read SKIPPING A BEAT (and neither can my son's girlfriend . . . your newest fan!)

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  3. What an awesome story. I'm so glad things are working out well for you & your family. It's always hard to find balance in your life, no matter what you're doing. Kudos to you for finding it and I sincerely hope that everything continues to go well for you and yours.

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  4. Awww Sarah, I teared up reading this post. It is amazing how thankful a person can feel when the right balance is struck. I'm so glad you find the time to write, I can't wait to read "Skipping a Beat", thank you for sharing your story.

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  5. THIS is the reason I love this blog! I love it because although all our stories are different, so much are the same. As kindred spirits, we share not only the same slightly insane, creative minds, but a lot of the same struggles. Thank you for sharing yours, Sarah. It gives the rest of us hope as we go through our own bit of chaos. Wishing you continued success!

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  6. Oh my, you had quite a journey - I'm sure I would have lost my mind through all of that. I'm glad your keyboard called you when your son went to school!

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  7. I love this post!! Since becoming a mom, I've found it so hard to strike a balance between being a mom and being a writer. Always great to hear about other people struggling, too, yet making it happen!!

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  8. Wonderful post, Sarah. Thanks for sharing it with us. How does a fridge explode? I've never heard of that before.

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  9. This just confirms that you, my friend...are a rock star. While most would just throw in the towel, you pushed through all of the hurdles life was throwing your way and kept to what gives you that drive. I truly admire you.

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  10. An exploding fridge! That's one I hadn't heard, Sarah. That must've been devastating. Like you, I found the only way to really manage writing and motherhood is by being home. I used to have a flex schedule, but much prefer being home full time. It's amazing how much writing we can get done with just a few hours a day, isn't it?

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  11. Thank you all so much for these kind comments! I truly appreciate them.

    As for the fridge, the fire chief had never seen one explode before either. Turns out the freon line caught a spark from the icemaker. The fridge was like a Dali painting - melted metal all over the kitchen. The smell was beyond awful. Everything we owned, down to our toothbrushes, had to be tossed or specially cleaned. But, thank goodness, it didn't happen in the middle of the night. The explosion was so powerful and the smoke so intense that it could have been a bad situation.
    Thanks again everyone! oxox

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  12. Sarah
    What a story. I enjoyed this post because most of my life is about finding the balance between my two jobs; writing and motherhood. Not an easy balance to strike (school helps) but both jobs are definitely worth the challenge.

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  13. Hi Sarah,
    I think so many of us can relate. I was an employed magazine writer when my first son was born. I quit b/c I couldn't handle the idea of leaving him with a nanny. I was lucky enough to freelance, but when baby 2 came along (like you another boy) it was so hard. But I do tell people now that having kids made me really good at being efficient with my time. My second book was almost completely written during nap time. My dream as a child was always to be a mother and a writer. Today, I can finally say I do both. And wouldn't you know my first novel is about a new mom and her relationship with her nanny! Motherhood is also really good for generating story ideas! Thanks for sharing and I can't wait to read your new book!

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  14. It's so hard to find a balance, isn't it? And, being women, we tend to feel guilty no matter what we do! I loved reading these comments and being a part of this community. Thank you!

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