by Maggie Marr
I do this thing--which compared to other types of behaviors I guess isn't really too destructive. I binge read. For hours. Days. I have a super-human ability to forego all but the most necessary of human and familial needs. I can plop my tush down in the midst of the messiest of houses (mine--my house) and read.
Recently I've read the following:
The Monkey's Raincoat by Robert Crais
Stalking The Angel by Robert Crais
The First Rule by Robert Crais
The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka
Lord of Misrule by Jaimy Gordon
also throw into the mix four screenplays.
All within 7 days.
This is the thing, I have discovered that I often binge read to avoid something--usually a transition from one thing to another. Because, for me, reading has always been a good thing. My ability to read for hours was praised in my childhood and was of great benefit to me as an attorney, an agent, and also as an author. Therefore this binge, as are all my book binges, is cloaked in propriety.
However there is a deeper darker side.
I am nearly finished with a manuscript. A manuscript that I have fundamentally changed countless times. A manuscript that I have edited longer and in more depth than anything I've ever written before. A manuscript in which my writer-creative self is fundamentally invested.
And I am scared as hell.
I don't want to let go. I don't want to send these pages to my editor. I don't want to fail because failure is f**king painful--especially after you've invested so much time, tears, and (hopefully) talent into a project.
I have 30 pages left and one final read. That's about 7 days of work--and how long have I been binge reading--about 7 days. So, yes, I know what I'm doing and I know why I'm doing it. Now I need to stop reading and get back to work.
I have three more chapters left to read in the book I am currently using as my roadblock on the transition from unfinished manuscript to finished manuscript--I will finish this book tonight. I am hopeful that Monday morning I will begin to write again.
Maggie Marr is an attorney and author. She wrote Hollywood Girls Club, Secrets of The Hollywood Girls Club, and Can't Buy Me Love. Her latest book Courting Trouble will (fingers crossed) release October 2012. She also writes for tv. Maggie lives in Los Angeles.