Tuesday, April 16, 2013

When Bad Reviews Happen

... to Good Books

By Ellen Meister


When I decided to resurrect America's most notorious yet beloved wit as a character in a novel, I knew I'd inspire the wrath of some book reviewers. We are, after all, proprietary about our literary heroes. They are our own special treasures, held close to our hearts and jealously guarded. So when a writer comes along and mines that trove for material, there will be blood.

Still, FAREWELL, DOROTHY PARKER was published to some outstanding trade reviews, garnering raves from Publishers Weekly, BookReporter, Library Journal and BookList. Even Kirkus Reviews put it at the top of the list for the week's best books.

So I was lulled into letting down my guard just when the assault finally came from a couple of newspapers, and it felt like I was being sliced, diced, eviscerated, burned, bitten and left to die. Next time, I'll remember to dress in Kevlar.

In the meantime, it helps to know that I'm not alone--that even the most revered literary works have had their share of detractors. So for all my fellow authors who have felt the sting of bad reviews, I offer the following anti-venom: actual Amazon one-star reviews of literary greats. See if you can guess which books they're about before clicking on the reveal. *

EDITED TO ADD: Apparently this game is harder than I thought, so I'm supplying the list of titles to choose from:

PRIDE AND PREJUDICE • FAHRENHEIT 451 • GREAT GATSBY • THE SUN ALSO RISES • TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD • PORTNOY'S COMPLAINT • EMPIRE FALLS • CATCHER IN THE RYE • OLIVE KITTERIDGE • REVOLUTIONARY ROAD


*For the sake of this game, names and titles have been redacted. Spelling and grammatical errors have been left as is.

Great American Novel - You Are Not!
How this is an American classic, I will never know. The book is short and barely has any character development. You don't route for anyone nor really care about finding about anybody's back story - including [redacted] himself. The book does do an ok job of portraying that "rich, post-World War I, 1920s era apathy generation" but the problem with portraying apathy is that your readers are going to be apathetic. There is one part of the book that has some "action" in it but it's so shoe horned in for the sole purpose of rapping up the story that it's almost unbelievable. For those that poo-poo Twilight for "stalker" type mentality of Edward, you have the same behavior in [redacted]  as well. I was very underwhelmed and feel sorry for the countless public school students who had to suffer through this book. The one positive thing I can say is that it wasn't as boring as "Wuthering Heights". Final Grade - F
Can you guess which book this reviewer hates? Click here for answer.

Keeping up with the ...
I hated this book! It is like a Victorian Keeping up the Kardashians. How superficial can you get? I realize that in that era the only hope for a woman was to marry well. Why promote that idea as a romantic one in our present day lives is just stupid. I see nothing romantic in the book whatsoever. The snobbery is almost unbearable. This is one of those situations where you read hoping it will get better, it never did. What a waste of my time.
Can you guess which book this reviewer hates? Click here for answer.

What?
Umm...you must be kidding. Mindless nonsense. This is the story of several, self absorbed drukards stumbling their way through a short season of life together; they are self indulged, lazy and broke. The book finally comes to a ridiculously predictable ending. Yes, of course there is symbolism throughout, but do not waste your time.
Can you guess which book this reviewer hates? Click here for answer.

Ouch
This book is a classic judging by the reviews. I had never heard of it and was probably better off. [Redacted]  is a horrible character, obsessed by his penis. I have never found toilet humour particularly funny and so you must judge my opinion in that light. if you have heard of Ross O'Kelly Carroll then this is the jewish equivalent. Ross is the cliche Dublin 4, Alex the New Jersey jew. Sitting on his physchiatrist couch bemoaning his parents. His mother threatened him with the knife if he won't eat. He spends his teen and adult years either masturbating anywhere and anytime or with the fair Protestant college girls or his dumb but sexually insatiable model. [Redacted]  is condesending and obsessed, unlikeable in a Woody Allen style obsession with self and sex. The novel is dated as no doubt it was titillatingly scandalous of its time but frankly it is boring. The long rambling rant eventually grates. This book would be better as a novella, the theme and characters are interesting to start with but the problem is that it becomes repetitious and boring. It wanders back and forward from childhood to love affair, from Monkey the model to Pumpkin or Pilgrim the debutantes. [Redacted]  repeats himself and becomes gratingly tedious. I suffered to the end, only so I could justify my rant, and gained nothing from it. Judging by the number of positive reviews here I am perhaps missing the point. For me who also hates Woody Allen films this is toilet humour at its worst. If you like the images of a teenage boy humping raw liver, his sisters used underwear and just about anything else while his mother hammers on the bathroom door demanding to see his stool then read on.
Can you guess which book this reviewer hates? Click here for answer.

How On Earth Did This Book Win The Pulitzer?
I just finished reading this novel and I am mystified by all of the acclaim it has received. Far from being an accurate depiction of small-town life, it is a dull, mind-numbing work populated by repulsive characters who resemble redneck cartoons more than flesh and blood human beings. Many times I wanted to fling the book across the room out of frustration with its snail-like pacing and terminally unhappy characters.

If you're looking for a realistic portrait of life in rural Maine, try anything by Cathie Pelletier - particularly her Mattagash trilogy. These books offer everything - humor, heart, emotion - that [redacted] fails to deliver.
Can you guess which book this reviewer hates? Click here for answer.

HATED it!
This book is filled with evocative prose that evokes tedious, boring, mundane, desperately unfulfilled life in 50's suburbia. I cannot imagine why anyone would want to read it.
Can you guess which book this reviewer hates? Click here for answer.

An American classic????
I waited 52 years to read this book. I should have waited 52 more. A real snoozefest. I don't see what all the fuss is about.
Can you guess which book this reviewer hates? Click here for answer.

Babble of an Idiot
I made a bona fide attempt to read this book. After the first few pages, it became apparent to me that the novel was not a piece of literature but rather babble of a mentally retarded person. In the style of the book, I could describe it as "some goddamn crap about some guy or something." One beneficial consequence of reading a few pages of this "work" is that, after that, nearly any book would seem like a masterpiece of literature.
Can you guess which book this reviewer hates? Click here for answer.

Target Practice
Heyyyy I had to read this book for school and it was the worst thing I ever read. A worthless good for nothing piece of junk! Actually it is good for something. I took this book with me to rifle practice and i shot at this instead of the target. I got busted but hey it was worth it. Mail me if you want a picture of my shooting.
Can you guess which book this reviewer hates? Click here for answer.

Boring story, miserable characters
I don't know why all the great reviews. I found the story dull, about miserable characters I cared nothing about, in a depressing setting.
The writing was too heavy on uninteresting detail and I could not even get halfway through the book.
Each chapter begins with a new character introduction, which for me is frustrating - just when you get to know one character, you are
jumped to a new one with little or no tie in to the previous introductions. I'm sure eventually they tie together, but I was halfway
through and saw no reason to go on.
Not my type of story, I guess. If you like a story about depressed (and depressing) people living in a small town in Maine, this one is
for you.
Can you guess which book this reviewer hates? Click here for answer.

How many did you get right? For a chance to win an autographed copy of FAREWELL, DOROTHY PARKER, post your score below. I promise not to judge you. 
______________________________________________________________________
Ellen Meister lives on Long Island and is the author of four novels, including FAREWELL, DOROTHY PARKER (Putnam 2013) and THE OTHER LIFE (Putnam 2011). She is an editor and writing coach, and teaches creative writing at Hofstra University Continuing Education. For more information visit ellenmeister.com.

28 comments:

  1. I didn't get any titles right, but I loved every review. In a good way. If only artists (including writers) had thicker skin. But then we wouldn't be artists, then would we!
    Great blog!
    I'm sure my Fb and twitter friends will agree! Can;t wait to see if anyone guesses them all..

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    1. Thanks for playing, Leslie ... and for admitting you didn't get any right!

      And yes, writers should have thicker skins. People always tell me I need to get one, but they don't me where they are. They don't sell them at Target, alas.

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  2. Gearing up to go hide, Ellen, because my skin has always been tender!

    I'm going to come back to these as a reminder as I duck under one of my hats and don the big sunglasses.

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    1. Greetings to a fellow thin-skinned writer! I hope this exercise helps you come out of hiding.

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  3. Ellen, that was so much fun! I didn't get ANY of those right!!

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    1. I think it's a sign that the acid-tongued reviewers didn't "get" the books!

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  4. What a fabulous, fun post, Ellen!! I didn't get any of these right, either. But here is what I know I'm right about. Those who can write, write. And those who can't write, write reviews. Or teach gym.

    It also reminds us that bad reviews can't kill great books.

    Can't wait to share this with my FB friends.

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    1. *And those who can't write, write reviews."

      Love it! I'm going to remember that!!

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  5. What a terrific turn-the-tables post, Ellen! As always, your clever writing, moxie and sense of humor shines through!

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    1. Your comment is my favorite review of the day! Thank you, Laura!!

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  6. I only guessed the first two. That was fun! And made a good point.

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  7. I got four right. That was really fun. And reminds us all not to take those stinging reviews too seriously. Thank you!

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    1. Glad you liked it, Ericka! Thanks for playing.

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  8. I enjoyed _Farewell, Dorothy Parker_ and hadn't thought about the courage required to deal with those who are "proprietary about our literary heroes."
    Now that I'm thinking of it, I'm reminded of a poetry class at UMSL, and the young African-American students' angry response to my signing up to do my oral report on Langston Hughes, including the logical to their young selves argument that he wasn't contemporary. My compromise was to make my written report on Hughes and choose John Berryman for the oral report, forcing myself to face the personal demon of Berryman's suicidal leap from the Washington Ave bridge while I was a student at U of MN.

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    1. Hi, Mary. Thanks for checking in and for sharing your story ... I suppose the silver lining is that you got to explore two different poets. Thanks again for your kind words and support for FDP!

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  9. I decided to put my poem on Berryman on my FB note page
    https://www.facebook.com/notes/mary-garrett/crossing-the-washington-avenue-bridge/10151634989634179

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  10. Guessed right on about half of these. And you're so spot on about reviews and reviewers. One reviewer of my debut novel said his/her money would have been better spent on an automatic potato peeler. I wanted to send one to the reviewer.

    This was a great post, and it reminded me of something I'd caution my students about...that just because s/he didn't like a book/short story, whatever, didn't mean it wasn't good. if we applied that to food, liver would disappear as a meal choice!

    Thanks for this!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A potato peeler! Oh, no!! Someone recently posted a review of one of my older books saying they hated it so much they wished they could get it off their Kindle. That's a lot of hate!

      And yes, it's all so subjective. Thanks for stopping in, Christa!

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    2. OMG Christa. Points for creativity... I guess?

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  11. Fun post. So true--how our taste in books is so unique and individual. A bad review can sting--especially when the review isn't about the craft in the writing of the book but more in whether that person -- through their own personal prism -- liked the book.
    Thanks for all the reviews to read!
    xoMaggie

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  12. I'm still gasping! Seriously! Everyone is entitled to an opinion, and some people are paid to share theirs, but when one not only endeavors, but succeeds in writing and revising and publishing a novel, it is the life force, the soul, the innermost imaginings on the page. Handle with Care.

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    1. The life force--yes! That's why the attacks always feel so personal. Thanks Michele.

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  13. Not everyone will like every book, but there are books out there for all tastes.

    I'm kind of thinking that the reviews might be more entertaining then some of the books.

    I did not get a single one right, but that's okay.

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    1. Hi, Mary. I have indeed read some hilarious Amazon reviews! But yes, it's all a matter of taste. :)

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  14. This is a great post... and a great reminder.

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    1. Thanks, Bethany!! And guess what? You're the winner of a signed copy of Farewell, Dorothy Parker! Email me your address and I'll send it right out to you.
      ellen (at) ellenmeister (dot) com

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